i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
