You can't special order awesome
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
