What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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