Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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