last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
