Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
