One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
