Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
