I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
