So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
