you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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