she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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