i need an iv and a liver transplant
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
