i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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