my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
