I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
