You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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