I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
