Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
