I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize