i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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