Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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