Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
