How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
