i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
