Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize