I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
