It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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