So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
