You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize