I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I lost the right to judge tonight
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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