Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
