You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize