so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
