so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
