I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
