I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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