Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
