Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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