Is it normal to miss your booty call?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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