Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
