i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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