We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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