i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
