is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
