Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
