Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
