I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
