Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
