Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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