a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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