Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
