Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
