Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
