There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
