just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
