Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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