I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
