My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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