$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
