I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i just had sex bonerless
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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