I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
