you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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