She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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