I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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