Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
