very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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